Liberty Maven

Whether you call it ObamaCare, PelosiCare, HarryReidCare, DemocratCare, or just plain stupid, Socialized Medicine is the Holy Grail to the president and his Democrat Party. They just can’t stop talking about and are as fixated with it as a puppy with its own tail.

But the more Mr. Obama talks about his plans, the worse it gets for him. The problem is that he hasn’t presented it properly. As an aid to Democrats everywhere, these are the positions they should be pushing to make this dream reality:

1) Socialized Medicine is free. I don’t know how they do it, but, by golly, nobody has to pay for it. Now if they could do something about the rising cost of cigarettes, gas, sodas, and my tanning bed treatments.

2) Socialized Medicine protects medical professionals and hospitals from extraordinary lawsuits. Right now Republicans and many physicians are  pointing out that to control medical costs, tort reform needs to be initiated to rein in the runaway costs of medical malpractice lawsuits. With Socialized Medicine there would be no need for this legislation. As the government would run the health care system how would anyone be able to sue Uncle Sam? Especially if he wasn’t in the mood to be sued. Socialized Medicine means never having to say “Oops!”.

3) Socialized Medicine covers all diseases. Time and again we see insurance companies denying care for unusual diseases or treatments. Now everything will be covered up to and including euphoria, apoplexy, and miner’s squint. And you won’t have to pay for those pills and medical devices you saw advertised on late-night TV.
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With implications for the entire country, in the state of New Mexico, our 2010 legislature is coming to an end and once again we are being called upon to bare our necks and feed the Vampire Hog of Government. And in the action-speaks-louder-than-words category, the Democrat Party, which has run this state for the past 70 years, has managed, in spite of a half billion dollar deficit, not to close unneeded departments, stop unnecessary spending, derail our money-sucking Rail Runner choo-choo, or even remove anyone from our bloated state payroll not even, as a local TV news investigator discovered, employees running non-existent museums or just showing up to pick up nice fat government checks.

For you see, rather than cutting spending, our legislature is going to increase taxes. One of the proposed taxes that was within inches of becoming law here in hispanic New Mexico, was a tax on hispanic foods like white flour tortillas, hard taco shells, salsa, and red chili pods. This would have been like putting a snow tax on Eskimos or a hurricane tax on Floridians. Of course if they’d held their ground they would have gotten away with it because they know that all we ever do in New Mexico is grumble for a couple of weeks and then return to our brainless, happy-go-lucky selves.

But if Barack Obama is as smart as everyone claims he is, he will sit up and pay attention to what our politicians almost did here which he can use to solve his own trillion dollar deficits. If Democrats could try to tax ethnic food in New Mexico, imagine what they could do nationwide. Plus, if successful, the dietary dragon lady Michelle Obama would no longer be able to castigate us over our heft.

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Here is one of the Indianapolis Colts players revealing the essence of Ben Bernanke.

(Thanks to Minnesota Chris)

by Clyde James Aragon

The late 1960s through the early 1970s was the heyday of the muscle car in America. With names like Pontiac GTO, Plymouth Road Runner, and Ford Thunderbolt 427, these cars seethed power and performance and hedonistically guzzled gas as they wolfed down the asphalt flying down the road.

Alas, these days the automobile engineer will be more concerned with trying to fit bucket seats onto a lawn mower chassis than giving the public cars that scare the average deaf pedestrian. They can’t actually build a muscle car anymore due to high gas prices, crushing environmental restrictions, and, more importantly, liberal disapproval. But, while engineers may be realists, at heart they are dreamers. They cringe at the thought of entering a Toyota Prius into a NASCAR race. They aspire to the glory days of American motoring.

But how to turn their hopes into reality? You’d think it would be difficult but in reality it’s quite easy to bring back the age of the muscle car. Here’s how you’d do it:

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by Clyde James Aragon

As the difference between Republicans and Democrats intensifies, as their arguments become shriller, as the national deficit approaches critical mass, it’s obvious we’ve reached the point where conservatives and liberals simply can’t live together. We bicker endlessly over taxation, government control, school prayer, and the Second Amendment. We don’t even speak the same language these days. For instance:

Liberal: The land belongs to the people, man. It’s social justice that allows us to walk freely upon the earth.

Conservative: Get off my lawn, damnit!

However, rather than partition America and try to divide its property evenly, there is one way we could still coexist. That is, create separate national corporate entities and activities apart from each other which would meet the wants and needs of each group. We would have separate sales buildings and work and play areas all well-lit and properly demarcated so that no one would accidentally enter and be offended by what he or she saw. Here’s what we would find in a new America:

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by Clyde James Aragon

In November 2009, computer hackers broke into the computer of the Climate Research Unit in England revealing the shady behavior of climate scientists there, some of whom have been literally making up data to support the climate change/global warming hysteria that is gripping the planet these days.

Well, the hackers have done it again.

They have now hacked into the computer network of the Institute for Cold and Hot Study in Burbank, California. Currently circulating around the Internet are the following smoking gun round robin e-mail exchanges between lead scientist Dr. Emmanuel Bogstock and his climate scientist underlings Daniel Dankel of Morbo University, Aspiro Mafioso of the Swedish Weather and Personality Clinic, and Jorge Redenko of Smogstack, L.L.C. in Upper Volta which reveal how sinister the global climate conspiracy really is:

From: d.dankel@morbouniversity.edu To: E.B., D.D., A.M., J.R. Subject: Climate Change
How do we get the ball rolling on this climate thing? My university underwriters want to see me working harder on this.

From: bogstock@icyhot.gov To: E.B., D.D., A.M., J.R. Subject: Climate Change
Get that U2 guy, Bono, to write a song about it. Then DiCaprio will bring his Hollywood people in on it. And Gore will string it all together when he talks about it at a conference somewhere. That should get them off your back.

From: d.dankel@morbouniversity.edu To: E.B., D.D., A.M., J.R. Subject: Bono
Bono’s turning sceptic. His tour bus got stuck in a snow bank in Fargo, South Dakota a few days ago. I hear he’s starting to have his doubts.

From: jorge@smogstack.org To: E.B., D.D., A.M., J.R. Subject: Bono
He bought the one that solar flares cause heat rash.

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By Clyde James Aragon

As Democrats work well into cold Washington evenings trying to hammer out a socialized medicine plan they can ram down America’s throat, they have been stymied in this over agreement on a Public Option – a government-run health plan competing with private insurance plans. While this controversial item has them bickering openly at times, there are five other options that could easily make any new medical plan palatable to not only themselves but to the American people, as well. They are, in no particular order:

The Billy Mays Option – Named after the TV pitchman who recently passed away after trying to self-medicate himself with cocaine, this option would help us all by allowing us to purchase, at public expense, the many miracle cures seen on late night television. Erectile function, obesity, acne would become things of the medical past if we could legitimately get our hands on the magical pills, powders, creams, and orthopedic devices offered in the wee hours of morning. And, since these would make us all so virile and healthy, I think we’d be more than happy to pay the shipping and handling charges ourselves.

The Veterinarian Option – Dogs and cats are barely a rung below us on the evolutionary ladder and that’s why we should be allowed to see the veterinarian of our choice for affordable, quality health care. Given to working with patients who can’t speak, veterinarians will literally be in hog heaven when they can get an answer to that age-old medical question: “Where does it hurt?” Plus, you can expect a tasty treat every time you get weighed.

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Just because you lost your job it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unemployed, so sayeth the government.

The opening clip of Saturday Night Live last night featured a rather thorough dressing down of Obama. I had to kept checking the channel to make sure it wasn’t the Glenn Beck show I was watching.

The clip is below. Obama gets hammered on bailouts, cash for clunkers, and “spending money to make money”. In this clip it is the Chinese that are getting it “good and hard” as H.L. Mencken once said regarding the common people within a democracy. I hope we see more of this from SNL.

This nifty short play is a reaction to the pending health care reform efforts being pushed by our lawmakers. Sometimes you reach a point when laughing is all you can do because it “hurts” less.

This was submitted to us by author, Clyde James Aragon. He writes:

THE HEALTH REFORM PLAN TOWN HALL MEETING – THE NON-MUSICAL is a ten-minute comedy play about the health care ‘reform’ bill and is a humorous way of looking at a very scary situation. Curious, but informed citizens, meet at a town hall meeting to ask questions of their representatives on Health Care Reform.

This play is being distributed free of charge and the author, Clyde James Aragon, only asks that should it be performed, no admission be charged and that the author be given credit as having written it.

The author is an Albuquerque, New Mexico humor writer.

You may also download the PDF here for printing out and potentially performing it at your next Tea Party event.

————————————————————-
THE HEALTH REFORM PLAN TOWN HALL MEETING
- THE NON-MUSICAL -

a one-act play by © Clyde James Aragon

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

REPRESENTATIVE BULLHORN
REPRESENTATIVE FLOWMASTER
CITIZEN #1
CITIZEN #2
CITIZEN #3
CITIZEN #4

COMEDY: 10 pages. 6 characters to be played by: 3 men; 3 woman.

SYNOPSIS: Curious, but informed citizens, meet at a town hall meeting to ask questions of their representatives on Health Care Reform. This is a ten-minute comedy play about the health care ‘reform’ bill and is a humorous way of looking at a very scary situation.

PROPS: 6 folding chairs

* * * This play is being distributed free of charge and the author, Clyde James Aragon, only asks that should it be performed, no admission be charged and that the author be given credit as having written it. * * *

**************

THE HEALTH REFORM PLAN TOWN HALL MEETING
- THE NON-MUSICAL -

a one-act play by Clyde James Aragon

(on a bare stage, two politicians, seated in folding chairs, face four citizens intent on asking the politicians questions on their health reform plan)

CITIZEN #4 (addressing the audience and then sitting down): The other day there was a town hall meeting in Montana over the new health reform bill which was presented by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and passed by the House of Representatives. The public was invited and allowed to ask questions of the two members of the House of Representatives, Representative Bullhorn and Flowmaster, who showed up. Many things were said and, after adjourning quietly after three hours of questioning, these excerpts were extracted from the minutes of that meeting:

CITIZEN #1 (raising hand and then speaking): Representative Bullhorn, the new House health care plan is almost 2,000-pages long. How do you expect anyone to read it, let alone understand it?

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