Liberty Maven

Is it really possible to read a president’s mind from afar? Without sophisticated CIA equipment? Robert Silverberg wrote a story about a telepath who stands along a parade route so he can be close enough to read Richard Nixon’s mind. As the president rides by, the man is struck with highly disturbing visions (left unspecified by Silverberg) and rushes away, deeply upset. Does that story make a sort of sense to you, in that, if telepathy were possible, something like that might have gone down?

Then you’ll perhaps give credence to my proposition that I have successfully read President Obama’s mind, albeit from considerably farther away than Silverberg’s character read Nixon’s. Want to hear what I’ve gathered? Ok, here it is, starting with the more obvious, exterior stuff:

Obama has been engaged in a fantastic juggling act with pro and anti-war forces from the beginning. He needed the anti-war folk, MoveOn.org et al, to help him get elected, but he also needed the quiet support and sustenance of the military-industrial complex (you didn’t have to read Eisenhower’s mind) which any president who wants to last two seconds in office must obey. The m/i complex agreed to stand down and let Obama be elected in return for an understanding with him that he would give them what they want once he was safely in office.

Fast forward to Obama’s recent speech revealing his “decision,” after “months of deliberation,” to send 30,000 additional troops to Afghanistan. Here’s where the mind reading comes in.

Ok, I’m ready. President Obama, open your mind to me…let me see all your darkest secrets. I see…I see that you are greatly relieved…as if a 1,000-pound weight had been lifted from your soul. All that patience, when you acted like you didn’t want to fight anyone, like when you seemed so passive in the face of Iranian tyranny, or to events in Honduras, or when you bowed too low to the Japanese prime minister…man, those things made you sweat! All the name-calling! You were “weak,” “defeatist,” “indecisive.” That hurt! It’s all over now, though. By making your war speech at West Point, favored pulpit of neo-cons, to that tiniest of American minorities, young people who don’t have to be forced to go to war, you finally came out, and all those meanies with the sharpened knives love you now! Right on! Kiss that, MoveOn.org!

Whew! It’s tough, really, to mind-read at such a distance, but I think I’ve got the hang of it. I have enough juice for one more trip back in, if you’re with me. Yes? Ok…let me concentrate…

Obama, relax, it’s just me. That’s right. Talk to me. I’m hearing you now. “Thank God,” you’re saying, “I made it to Sunday when Secretary of Defense Robert Gates could come on the talking-head shows and announce that ‘we’ have no intention of pulling out in late 2011 or any other nice sounding time. Another 100 or so pounds of weight lifted! That was a long five days of abuse from the never appeased Fox crowd. After all, it really doesn’t make much sense to say you’re trying to beat back an enemy as long as it doesn’t cost too much and doesn’t extend beyond a certain date. I was wide open, but now everyone knows I didn’t really mean it. I must say, this is sweet! I’ve wrapped up the right wing, and the left that put me here can’t do squat about it. They’ll lie in wait, but three years, as everyone knows, is an eternity in politics. Plenty of time to figure things out!”

Ok, I’m done! Distance mind-reading is grueling work, and I’m not even sure that I want to know any of this stuff. Do you? After all, what exactly does one do with such knowledge? Is there some practical use for it? For now, I guess I’ll just file this away as mental calisthenics.

Wait, I’m picking up some weird signals from Sarah Palin. Oh my God, you want to what?

Doug Lasken is a retired Los Angeles Unified English teacher and freelancer. Write him at doug.lasken@gmail.com