Liberty MavenAmerican Forces Attack Syria, Eight Die – Semi-Spoof News Flash
October 31st, 2008 4:15 pm | by Jake Towne | Published in Foreign Policy, Humor, Liberty, Media, Politics, War, terrorism | 0
This article is a semi-spoof alteration of an AP article I found titled “US special forces launch rare attack inside Syria.” NONE of the facts have been changed though, just a few changes to make the article a bit more entertaining. My goal is to confuse you at least once into separating the “AP Mass Media News” from my fiction, which you can easily do by clicking on the source links. Just trying out a new satire style! Hope you find it interesting and the news informative; feel free to tell me what you think in the comments field below.
by Jake, the Champion of the Constitution
Originally published October 29, 2008 at http://www.nolanchart.com/article5322.html
ABU KAMAL, SYRIA – Imperial American military helicopters launched yet another preemptive attack into yet another sovereign nation. They managed to kill eight (8) people in a lethal strike on Sunday. The Syrian government said all eight (8) dead were civilian, including four (4) children.
A government spokesman in Damascus was quoted as thinking “we would have returned fire if we had even a 1% chance of winning against this military juggernaut without having our country laid waste, most likely with the eager help of Israeli’s nuclear-armed, trigger-happy theocratic air force.” A Russian government official was laughing too hard at the irony of the attack to be quoted, most likely in regards to the American allegations on a recent failed invasion of South Ossetia by the US-backed Georgia.
A U.S. military official said the raid by Special Forces targeted the foreign fighter network that travels through Syria into Iraq. The Americans have been unable to shut the network down in the area since Syria is a sovereign nation and attacking it without provocation or declaration of war with just cause is a violation of both the US Constitution and international law.
“We are taking matters into our own hands,” an official told The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because of the political sensitivity of cross-border raids. When asked if Congress was consulted to authorize the attack, his face went blank for a moment before responding with “Syria is just a small sovereign nation. If we had decided to attack a much larger nation like Pakistan or China, we would have asked President Bush first.” When this reporter remarked that the United States is already launching raids into Pakistan, the official snapped back, “Of course I knew that, and yes, we did ask President Bush beforehand in a secret July meeting. Shut up and go vote McBama since policing the Afghani-Pakistan border is top priority during this financial crisis.”
On Thursday, US Major General John Kelly said in reference to the border, “The Syrian side is, I guess, uncontrolled by their side,” Kelly said. “We still have a certain level of foreign fighter movement.” He added that the U.S. was helping construct a sand berm and ditches along the border. “There hasn’t been much, in the way of a physical barrier, along that border for years. We need it to keep the Mexicans from stealing all of the good jobs from the Iraqis, and to seal the Iraqis inside their own country. The populace has been devastated enough already.”
The flow of “foreign fighters” (were they not “insurgents” just a month ago?) into Iraq has been cut to an estimated 20 a month, a senior U.S. military intelligence official told the Associated Press in July. Eighteen (18) foreign fighters, or 90% percent per month enter through Syria, according to U.S. intelligence. The other two are entering via underground tunnels from Iran and Kuwait. Foreigners are some of the most deadly fighters in Iraq, trained in bomb-making and with small-arms expertise and more likely to be willing suicide bombers than Iraqis, say US intelligence survey results taken at the both the border crossing and the messy post-mortems.
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End of satire. Sort of. For the zillionth time in this column, I note that Congress must declare war, otherwise preemptive military attacks on sovereign countries are in direct violation of the Constitution of the United States, Article I, Section 8, Clause 11.
It is also interesting to read the Syrian side from this 10/27 press conference. It does appear they said quite a bit more than the AP was willing to quote:
Samia Nakhoul, Reuters: Could you tell us exactly what happened yesterday? We’d like to hear your account.
Syrian Foreign Minister Walid Muallem (FM): I don’t understand and I’m astonished by this aggression. Yesterday, around 5pm, four American helicopters crossed the border from Iraq. Around 8km from the border inside Syrian territory, there’s a farm. Two helicopters landed, and the other two were protecting them. Soldiers came out from these two helicopters, and started shooting to kill civilians who work in the farm. They killed four of one family – the father and three children – the guard and his wife. They also killed a fisherman who was fishing from the Euphrates River outside the farm. All of them are civilian Syrians, unarmed. They were on Syrian territory. Killing civilians in international law is a terrorist aggression. The Americans do it during daylight. This means it’s not a mistake. It was done with planned determination. For that, we put the responsibility for this criminal and terrorist aggression on the American government. They need to investigate and come back to us with the result and explanation why they did this.
Fox News: Why didn’t the American government approach Syria in dealing with this issue? Why was there no communication?
FM: The US surprised everybody by this aggression. Now if they claim that there were some terrorist activities of Al Qaida or others, they know very well that we stand against Al Qaida. We condemn their activities against the Iraqi people, and they know very well that we’re doing our utmost to control the borders with Iraq. So the question is why then this aggression? We want to know.
CNN: If the Americans do this again, would you use force to deter them?
FM: If they do it again, we’ll defend our territories. Do you think it’s valid to sacrifice other people’s lives and civilian lives? Does the election validate the sacrifice of human lives as an instrument? Is this the human rights you’re promising others?
Question: Are you going to take the case to the Security Council?
FM: Unfortunately, as long as there’s America in the Security Council, there’s no democracy in international relations.
Associated Press: How do you respond to suggestions that the US said Syria has to stop foreign fighters?
FM: We’re not their employee to protect their aggression and occupation, and then they blame us by killing our civilians.
CNN: The Americans have been saying for a long time that terrorist are trotting over the borders. Did they give you any evidence?
FM: They never present evidence. We work closely with the Iraqi security authority, not the American authority. We exerted our utmost efforts, but nobody can seal the border 100%. You know from the American experience with Mexico, but we did our best. Unfortunately, we don’t have a partner on the other side of the border to share information and to help tighten the borders. Anyway, as General Petraeus said many times, until recently, the Syrians exerted their utmost effort in controlling the borders. What happened yesterday is unjustified.
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We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
As always, unlike the NFL, the author grants full permission to allow any accounts of, rebroadcasts, retransmissions, repostings in part or full of this article to your blog or anywhere else in order to promote the Restoration of our Republic.
Veritas numquam perit. Veritas odit moras. Veritas vincit. Truth never perishes. Truth hates delay. Truth conquers.
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Police State Stomps on Iraq Veteran’s Face as McBama Sanctions Attack on Freedom of Speech: The Story of the Hempstead 15 (Part 1/3)
Published: October 25, 2008
What? Yet another event the media completely missed? After multiple attempts to engage McBama to answer their questions, the Iraq Veterans Against the War (IVAW) led a peaceful march on the last McCain-Obama Presidential Debate and were met with 30 mounted police and a horde of others in riot gear. The mounted police stamped on an Iraq war veteran’s face and attacked the crowd. Ron Paul supporter and veteran Adam Kokesh was arrested as well.
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Published: October 5, 2008
Imagine you are in a room, alone with 20 American soldiers for one day. At sunset, all their bodies thud to the floor, stone dead. At dawn, 20 more enter the room and again die at sunset. It repeats every day for 7 years. It will repeat tomorrow. This is what I know of their story, their sad statistics.
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